"DeLuise DeLights and Disasters" by RJ DeLuise

06/23/09

Chaotic Wrestling management practically pleaded with pro-wrestling's premier prognosticator (RJ DeLuise) to produce the paradigm in printed presentations, the 7th edition of the critically-acclaimed DeLuise DeLights and Disasters.

Did you ever see that movie, "Poltergeist"? Remember the creepy monster that comes out of your television and spooks you the heck out??? Well, Chaotic's Hall of Fame Poltergeist, Demon Ortiz, will be stepping out of your nightmares and into the squared circle with Chaotic's infamous Politican, Brian Milonas. Representative Milonas's approval rating is the highest it has been in months, up over 97.9%, and he is looking for that crucial "Swing Vote" when the Demon faces the Diplomat of DeLuise DeLights live in Lowell on Friday, June 26th!!!

Tumultuous Tag Team Title situation looms as we are on the thruway to SUMMER CHAOS. The Bodacious Boys from the Boogie-down Bronx, The Blowout Boys (Antonio T.-riffic and Danny E.-lectrifying) will get their much-deserved rematch and revenge against the Beantown Boys, the Backstreet Boys of Chaotic Wrestling, Matt and Bryan, The Logan Brothers. The recently-referenced Logans, those sneaky South Boston-born brothers, are known for putting their lives on the line to impress the fans. Their lives will literally be on the line when they face the baddest boys on the block, the Blowout Boys, for the Chaotic Wrestling Tag Team Titles! When the belts return to NYC, it will be surely be a DeLuise DeLight.

If you have ever been to the Jersey Shore and seen the falling-down loser mumbling to himself and falling off the boardwalk to drown and be washed away and get eaten by whales, then you have seen Chase Del Monte's future. Sad, isn't it? To think, at COLD FURY 8, a few short months ago, Chase Del Monte was riding high on the hog, on the shoulders of his friends and colleagues, your Chaotic Wrestling Heavyweight Champion. And now, "The Shore Stopper" is about to have his Summer party van come to a screeching halt by the designated driver he forgot all about, his former tag team partner and former bestest buddy from the Jersey Shore, Brandon Locke. Brandon has not forgotten about Chase Del Monte and on a tip from the Manager of Champions, Sean Gorman, Mr. Locke was able to track down his former pal and dropped him like a greasy bag of potato chips in Lawrence. It's formerly Locked versus perpetually Loaded for the Chaotic Heavyweight Title!

Brandon Locke is a manly man; however, my newest DeLuise DeLight Debut will be that of the Manliest Man, Biff Busick. Sure, his name tells most of the story. How could a guy named Biff not be tougher than a Rubix Cube? Turns out, he can kill a case of beer in an hour while drinking a case of protein shakes and finishes the whole thing off with a steak sliced off the back of a cow that he cooks with the lit end of his Marlboro wide cigarettes. He told me he could bench press my house(s) with me inside. Before you face Double Buff, Biff Busick, you gotta ask yourself, do I feel lucky? Well do ya, sissy-nancy?

All that aforementioned action and more as Chaotic Wrestling returns to the PAV in Lowell this Friday night. Check out this site for more details.

Until next time, may all your DeLights be DeLuise,

RJ DeLuise